Tuesday, December 15, 2009

No. 92 "Date From Hell."

So the other day, a friend of mine set me up on a blind date with her friend Cupid. Kind of s strange name, but she said she was really cool and had big boobs so I was in. But, when we met for dinner at this really nice French restaurant she kept avoiding my questions and tried to sell me random things. I think she might be a little off, or she might just be mentally retarded. Either way, here's a low down of our date.

11:35 pm Hey, how are you? I'm Patrick. Michelle set us up.

Cupid 11:35 pm Hello again. ;-)

scorsese90 11:36 pm Again? we've never met before. This is sort of a blind date. So, what do you do for a living, Cupid?

Cupid 11:36 pm Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu.

scorsese90 11:37 pm Huh? Again? We've never met before. I just asked what you do for a living. It's a simple question really.

Cupid 11:37 pm Interesting. Type menu.

scorsese90 11:37 pm Wow. Ok, new subject...

Cupid 11:37 pm Cool.

scorsese90 11:37 pm Yes. That is cool. How do you know Michelle?

Cupid 11:37 pm OK! Now other AIM users can send you anonymous IM crushes and "tag" you -- and you have to guess who it is. Now, type MENU to get started.

scorsese90 11:38 pm That did not answer my question at all, Cupid. I'm not so sure about this blind date.

Cupid 11:38 pm Excuse me? Have you sent your sweetie a gift today? Type CHOCOLATE or ROSES NOW.

scorsese90 11:38 pm My sweetie? I don't have a sweetie. That's why I'm on a date with you.

Cupid 11:38 pm Pardon me? Send your baby some love. Type CHOCOLATE or ROSES and impress your sweetie.

scorsese90 11:38 pm Quit it with the chocolate and roses shit. Just tell me a little about yourself.

Cupid 11:38 pm I'm sorry? I'm new to this whole IM thing. :-D Type CHOCOLATE or ROSES NOW and show your love.

scorsese90 11:39 pm IM? We're at a french restaurant.

Cupid 11:39 pm Why did you say that? Get your baby a present NOW! Type CHOCOLATE or ROSES.

scorsese90 11:39 pm Because it's where we are you moron.

Cupid 11:39 pm I'm Dulles, VA.

scorsese90 11:39 pm Ok, you're from Virginia. Thanks for answering a question I never asked you.

Cupid 11:39 pm Kewl.

scorsese90 11:40 pm Do you have brain damage?

Cupid 11:40 pm Can I ask YOU something?

scorsese90 11:40 pm Ugh. Sure.

Cupid 11:40 pm Have you bought your honey a Valentine's Day gift yet?

scorsese90 11:40 pm Well, Valentine's Day is over two months away so, no, I have not.

Cupid 11:40 pm I thought you were a romantic person!!?!?? Listen, I'll help you. Type SHOP. The perfect gift is out there...

scorsese90 11:40 pm Why are you yelling? And where am I supposed to type? My computer is at home.

Cupid 11:40 pm Hmm... Are you?

scorsese90 11:41 pm No, I'm speaking calmly.

Cupid 11:41 pm Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of a date!

scorsese90 11:41 pm I'm on a date with you!! How dense are you?

Cupid 11:41 pm Great, thanks. You?

scorsese90 11:41 pm Oh my God, I'm leaving.

Cupid 11:41 pm Well, you don't have to be Christian to celebrate the love.

scorsese90 11:42 pm That has nothing to do with anything you dumb bitch!

Cupid 11:42 pm Lovely.

scorsese90 11:42 pm Now you're being a smart ass?

Cupid 11:42 pm Please. Look. I'm taking a lot of time to help you find a date. Type find love now and I'll get you on the right track.

scorsese90 11:42 pm I'm already on a date with you. Jesus, I'm out of here!

Cupid 11:42 pm May I ask you a question?

scorsese90 11:42 pm Ugh. Fine.

Cupid 11:42 pm Um... Fine [?]

scorsese90 11:43 pm Yes, you can.

Cupid 11:43 pm Yes!!

scorsese90 11:43 pm Later bitch. Enjoy your brain damage and the bill.

Cupid 11:43 pm I don't respond to that kind of language. I suspect it gets you a lot of dates, huh?

scorsese90 11:43 pm I don't give a fuck, die bitch!

Cupid 11:43 pm Hey, whoa! 86 the potty mouth. I just won't be able to help you find a date. Please, type find love now and I'll try to match you up with someone.

scorsese90 11:43 pm Good bye, please kill yourself.

Cupid 11:43 pm TTYL.

No, I was not drunk or high on illicit drugs when I came up with this idea. However, I am now seeking psychiatric help.

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