Monday, March 12, 2007

No. 35 "Spring Break To-Do List."

Spring break is a wonderful time in every 18-25 year old's life where they get shit faced, have unprotected sex with strangers, and bribe Mexican police officers. Here is a list of what every college-age guy wants to happen on spring break, and what mostly likely will happen.

Round up all your buddies and girls and get a bad ass mansion on the beach!
-Get a shitty motel room without air conditioning miles away from the beach and bars.

Fuck one of those chicks from Girls Gone Wild
-Fuck a Tijuana hooker who may or may not have both parts.

Get flashed by many hot girls
-Get flashed by an old Mexican woman.

Get drunk but still have a great time
-Get belligerent the first hour and throw up the rest of the trip.

Don't go to jail
-Go to jail. Do not collect $200.

Don't drink the water
-"Nah man, that's a myth" followed by "Aagghhh, fuck man my barf is orange!"

Spend only $50 the whole trip
-Empty your bank account on bribing cops, illicit drugs and lap dances

Get on to MTV
-Get onto MTV3: The Tres

Eat some delicious Mexican cuisine
-Eat someone's dog or cat

Sneak back into the US with some pills
-Get anally probed by a drug-sniffing dog

Wear sunscreen when outside
-Forget the sunscreen and tell everyone that "lobster red" is the new bronze

"Don't worry mom, I'll be good."
-"Mom... can you bail me out of jail?"

I'm gonna Surf it up, brosef
-Try to surf, end up looking like a jackass, get stung by jellyfish

Only have 3 shots of Absinthe
-Chug the whole bottle, end up forgetting your childhood

So, hopefully you all have a safe and STD-free spring break this year, remember you can only be a drunk, immature jackass in another country but once a year!
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