Thursday, January 14, 2010

No. 97 "Benign Minutia IX."

Attention all Women: Whenever one of us guys gets a naked picture we beg you to send to us, our first reaction is to show it to any of our buddies within a one mile radius.

How does one inquire in getting the nick name "Mad Dogg?" Must one do something very crazy or just be angry all the time? I gotta know. Also, the two 'G's" are essential. Thanks.

92% of all cooking related injuries happen after 2am while coming home from the bar hungry as fuck drunk cooking. The most common of which is throwing a pizza in the oven and then passing out as your home catches on fire.

The easiest way to tell that you get bored far too often and you are a male: When you haven't missed an poll is 6 months.

Thank God for Jersey Shore. It is my new favorite bar conversation starter with chicks and random people. Everyone has an opinion on whether or not Snooki is a midget or just a very small person.

You should get a refund if you get home and your sandwich has fucking tomatoes on it, even if you asked for extra tomatoes. Those things are disgusting.

Why does my dog never recognize the other dogs I point out that look like him on television?

They should make a "Not Invited" section for Facebook events. The people included could get a notification so they know where they stand with you. I would add every person I dislike that still happens to be my Facebook friend, my mom, The Jonas Brothers, anyone that has ever read or watched Twilight and every motherfucker from my high school.

Holding your cell phone two feet directly above your head always assures much better service.

Whenever I see a dead animal on the side of the road I always hope its a cat. That's what you get for running away every time I try to pet you. Fucking pussies.

If you ever catch one of your roommates coming out of the bathroom with their laptop, don't believe them when they try to explain they were working on a paper or reading an enlightening ebook. They were whacking it.

I feel bad for red headed children whose parents split up and mother just recently got remarried.

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