So the other day I was about to leave the house when I realized I smelled a little bit. I had showered and all but I thought I could use a little something extra. I don't wear cologne anymore because I'm not a prepubescent boy and/or douche-nugget. I saw some Axe in my brother's bathroom but refused to use it because I was afraid an Ed Harty T-shirt and a tribal tattoo would magically appear on my body. I eventually found some Grey Flannel cologne by Geoffrey Beene in my dad's drawer. I sprayed two pumps (biggest mistake of my life) and was on my way.At first I didn't really notice the smell. A little musky, but not too bad. By the ten minute mark though, I couldn't stand it. I smelled like I was coming from a creepy grandpa convention. I just reminded me of wrinkly balls. I was more than fifteen miles from my house so I couldn't go back. I tried to figure out a way to remedy this problem of mine. I'd rather smell like a used tampon than this disgusting Grey Flannel bullshit.
Luckily I had an extra shirt in my car so I changed into that. Somehow the smell became stronger, as if it gained power the more I struggled to evade from the horrid scent. I almost wanted to shit my pants so I didn't have to smell the cologne anymore. I'm pretty sure if I wore this cologne everyday I would never have intercourse again and make a lot of friends in their late-70's.
Eventually I got home, but the smell was still very pungent. I decided a shower would rinse away the horribleness that is Grey Flannel. I wasn't gonna fuck around though. Lava soap and a metal sponge should do. After an hour in the shower stripping off layers of my skin the smell was finally gone. My nose had never smelled fresher air. I had escaped the smell tyranny of The Flannel.
I found the bottle that had ruined my afternoon and took it outside with a lighter and a bucket. After covering the bottle of cologne in lighter fluid I lit it on fire and laughed maniacally as it burned to its death. Unfortunately the smell of burning Grey Flannel was much worse than the cologne itself and I passed out due to the smoke.
Next time, Geoffrey Beene, next time.
