What kind of dinosaur was the Thesaurus? I bet he was nerd that was always reading and got bullied by the T-rexes.
Are mud flaps with silhouettes of busty women given out at every redneck's 16th birthday?
Whenever I see RIP (insert random celebrity here) as multiple statuses on Facebook I don't turn on the TV or log on to CNN.com. I just check Wikipedia. If it says they are dead then I believe it.
I only take vitamins to make my pee look cool.
Being too drunk is a great way of getting out of doing favors for friends.
Is it possible to wield something that isn't a weapon?
I hate when I go to take a shit and bring some reading material cause I know I'll be in there for a while, but then the shit only lasts like two minutes and I'm strangely disappointed because I know I won't do anymore reading until I have to use the can again.
To the best of your ability includes the nerd I'm sitting next to when taking tests, right?
I've found that putting a couple quotes by respected authors and philosophers on my Facebook makes me seem smart and cultured. Just Google some Socrates and Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes and you're set.
Beneath every emo kid is a skinny unathletic nerd and beneath that is a homosexual.
Every time I "help" my dad put something together, 95% of my tasks include handing him things and standing around.
Since the morning after pill is called Plan B, what is Plan C? Abortion? And shouldn't that be Plan A?
Having glasses and a strange haircut are essential to looking creepy. (Being Asian helps too)