Wednesday, August 26, 2009

No. 62 "Benign Minutia III."

Are all black guys' cousins inherently shady?

People from America that spell favorite favourite are automatically labeled uptight assholes in my book. It doesn't make you seem cultured, you just look like an ass. Go to fucking Canada if you're gonna spell words incorrectly.

Who is this guy that is marrying Kendra "I have the most annoying god damn laugh in the fucking world" Wilkinson? I am a huge NFL fan and I've never heard of the dude. But, its better than licking an 83 year old's balls, I suppose.

Why is Macauley Culkin doing Palm Pre commercials? I guess the script for Home Alone 5 isn't ready yet.

I recently discovered strikethrough on my blog, and I'm so excited to use it. I can write whatever I want and no one will be able to read it because its crossed out. Once I peed in a trash can in my room and blamed it on my little brother so I wouldn't get in trouble. See, its fool proof.

Attention Women: It is just as easy to put the seat up as it is to put the seat down. I'm not sure where this notion came from that all guys need to put the seat down after they piss. Its sexist. Guys are inherently lazy and instead of putting the seat down after urinating we usually just leave it down and piss all over the seat. Enjoy your wet asses, ladies. Oh, and if my future wife tries to pull this seat-down bullshit on me, the bitch will be pissing outside. Yep, that's how I roll.

There needs to be an easier way to eat the bottom of a Popsicle. It seems like every time I get to the end of it I have to deep throat the fuck out of the stick to get the last bit of deliciousness. Wow, that didn't sound gay at all.

How has no one bought the website I am saving up my money and buying it so whenever someone says "That party was the bomb dot com" they will have to pay me royalties. Don't you wish you were smart like me?

I don't understand that when I'm on a fifteen minute break at work it goes by so fast, but whenever I microwave a hot pocket it feels like I could watch all three Lord of the Rings and it still wouldn't be done.

Sexual predators are probably the weakest of all the predators. Most of them are middle-aged, balding men that frequent Myspace far too often. Think about all the other types of predators: sharks, bears, and lions. I would much rather get fondled by a guy that lives in his mom's basement that be mauled by a bear.

Updated 7/23/10

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...