Do you have to speak in a southern twang to be a NASCAR driver? Is it a part of the interviewing process?
I think the recent rise in stalkers has to do with the fact that every romantic comedy is about a guy liking a girl who doesn't feel the same way. He keeps trying and trying and finally gets her in the end. Maybe stalkers are just hopeless romantics.
If you find scissors in a guys bathroom, don't touch them. Just let them be, you know what they're for.
Things that need to cease to exist: black jelly beans, The Jonas Brothers, and Esurance commercials
Athletes from other countries need to learn the fucking language when they come to America. You're getting paid millions of dollars, Rosetta Stone is only like 30 bucks, dip shits!
A good way to confuse friends on Facebook: Send a comment like "had a great time last night, we should kick it again." But, you have to do it to your friends you haven't seen in months that live across the country. It will confuse the fuck out of them.
If you're on that show Cheaters aren't you basically just saying to future employers "Don't hire me, I'm mentally imbalanced."
You never notice how many baseball fields there are until you fly on an airplane.
Why do strippers always have to bring up their kids? I'm not gonna give you a bigger tip (cause I never tip strippers.) It just makes me notice your stretch marks and C-section scars. Boner killer.
Whenever an administrator or someone of importance says "Have a safe weekend" what they're really saying is don't party and do drugs.
How did hot chicks ignore guys hitting on them before texting was invented?