Monday, June 26, 2006

No. 15 "Random Thoughts Part 6."

On Facebook, (AKA Myspace's brother in college) you can have a little away message and I've been messing around with it lately. But whenever I want to put hilarious away messages like "I am fucking your mom." It says "You are fucking your mom." It's nice that Facebook changes up the possessive tone, but it makes me look like a inbreeder to myself.

I love the differences in gender lingo when it comes to arguments. Girls will use words such as "sweetheart," "honey," and "pumpkin" in a negative connotation, which is genius! They will be yelling at each other, and one of them well be like "Listen up honey, you're a slut!" and the other one will be like "No, you're the slut, sweetheart." Its an insult wrapped in a compliment. I wouldn't know whether to hug or punch them. As for guys, we're straight up. If we're mad at you, we'll call you a fag, douche bag, dick, fucker, ect. And we'll wrap that insult with a fist-in-face.

For Kudos on Blogs: Give two or zero. Don't give one. What's the point. "Eh, it was semi entertaining, I will give you half the amount of kudos because you could have done better. Hopefully you will try harder next time and you will get both of my kudos I have to give. But right now I'm taking your other kudos with me, bitch."

Bands are the homeless people of Myspace. They are pan-handlers asking everyone to add them. Instead of asking for money, they want you as a friend. I wonder what it would be like if hobos asked people to be their friends instead of asking for money.

I hate movies where kids outsmart adults. In real life those fuckers would be toast in 2 minutes. I can take any 10 year old, any day of the week, they aren't that clever.

I remember back when I played basketball/soccer/baseball as a kid, whenever I acted up or did something wrong the coach would say "Patrick! go take a lap! Oh, you're talking back? Make that five!" I wonder if that concept would work in real life. Say I get charged with robbery and instead of jail time, the judge gives me 100,000 laps.

Guys with six-packs never ever miss an opportunity to take their shirts off.

I've been going to the lake/river a lot lately and I've noticed that everyone is tatted up. Tats on their back, tats on their arms, tats above their cooch. Everywhere. Is their some sort of secret law that if you are near water you need ink on your skin?

There is no way a man can look cool with a purse. You know what I'm talking about. Your girlfriend or the girl you're currently banging goes into the bathroom and asks you to hold on to her purse. It doesn't matter if you hold it behind your back, with two fingers, or to the side. It is impossible to look manly with a purse. Don't even try.

On the other hand, girls can pull off just about anything that man usually have. Have her carry a gun, that's hot. Have her with a bottle of beer. Hot. Have her with another girl. There we go.

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