Monday, June 12, 2006

No. 13 "De-coding Myspace Profiles."

Being a Myspace whore veteran, I have noticed some things on people's profile's that makes me laugh. People like to write about themselves, a lot. So I will point out what they really mean when they say...

Total lie, you love it. This usually means that he/she likes to create a lot of drama and doesn't like when people react or retaliate towards their words or actions. I hate drama but I don't tell everyone.

My Best Friends are...:
I don't fucking care. This isn't a popularity contest (Actually Myspace kind of is, but whatever.) You have a top 8 for a reason, this is just redundant. Stop it, skank.

I don't expect you to understand me or even like me:
Um, what the fuck are you talking about? You are a stupid teenage girl, not a complicated post-modern novelist. I'm pretty sure you aren't that damn complicated. I do know that you have "tons of friends," do whatever you want, have an expensive purse, and you "DGAF". This doesn't impress anyone, play tag in the freeway.

I don't give a fuck what people think of me:
Again, a big fucking lie. You put that on your profile so you seem independent and and sovereign. It really means that you care what people think of you more than most people. You have low self-esteem, and without Myspace you would be depressed. That's why you post 15 bulletins about you new pic that looks exactly like all the other ones. (Shitty.)

I never really know what I want:
"I'm stupid and can't make up my mind on anything. I only care about myself and I can live off my parent's money forever, so why should I even try? Where's my Prada handbag?"

I love my boyfriend:
"I'm not gonna fuck you. Unless..."

Cali girls do it better:
Do what better? Write better Myspace profiles? Definitely not. Give better head? Yes.

I dislike most people:
"I'm a mean bitch and I wrote that because I think that since I'm hot and I can say whatever I want. I will probably end up marrying one of the people I dislike."

I'll try to write back, but I'm busy:
"I think I'm a celebrity because I'm hot and have new pics every other day. Teenage boys drool over me and I'm so cool that I can't even respond to everyone's email since I get too many messages. I'm telling you this because I have enough time to write about myself, but not enough time to write back to you. KISSES!"

I hate Myspace:
"I love Myspace, and I am just saying that to say it. Without Myspace my life wouldn't seem as important. I couldn't use emo songs and different Myspace backgrounds to express my feelings anymore and I would be sad."

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