-Chicks with blonde hair on top and black hair underneath will felate you 3X more often than a chick with regular hair.
-Stop posting pictures from your semester/summer abroad. It makes me jealous and I am going to delete you out of spite.
-Chick comedians aren't funny. They just aren't. Watch Comedy Central Presents: Some Dumb Bitch and try to laugh. Its like sneezing with your eyes open. Impossible.
-To be a correspondent on any of those VH1 and E! countdown shows, do you have to be a homosexual with horn rimmed glasses?
-I've noticed that when you are a teenager you're always rounding up, saying things
like "yeah, I'm 16 but I turn 17 in like 3 months." But, once you are past 21 you start rounding down. "Well I'm 23 but I just turned 23 like eleven months ago."-Since the Shamwow guy got caught beating up that hooker and Billy Mays died, who is going to sell me useless shit over the TV?!
-I was listening to "Confessions" by Usher for some gay reason. (Naw, its actually a pretty cool song, but I digress) and he just stepped up a notch in the "I can get laid no matter what factor." The dude talks about how he cheated on his girl and knocked up some other hoe and I bet after that song came out even more hoes wanted his nuts. I'm not jealous, though. Yes I am.
-Girls either want to kill or fuck Megan Fox. Can't you girls just find a happy medium? How about some S&M with her? And can I watch? No? Fine.
-Am I the only person that would risk going to jail if I got to nail Selena Gomez? Maybe I shouldn't have made these comments public...
-How the fuck do the Kardashian sisters that aren't named Kim have their own show? I wonder how that pitch went, "Alright, we're developing a show around the uglier Kardashian sisters. Oh, and Kim, the hot one, isn't going to be in it." "Deal. Here's ten million dollars. Just throw it out a fucking window." I need to stop watching E!
Updated 7/18/10
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