Wednesday, December 5, 2007

No. 40 "Things I've Learned In College."

I'm about to go into my 8th semester of college and I've learned a lot over the years. But what you learn in the classroom isn't the only important thing you will take with you once you leave for the real world... here's some outside-the-classroom things I've learned over the years

-When black out drunk, a sticky kitchen floor is just as comfortable as a temper-pedic.

-Tailgating does not mean you have to go to the game.

-Throwing up after drinking all night means you are sober again.

-What happens in Mexico is spread all over Facebook.

-The only important sport is Beer Pong.

-Ramen Noodles + Taco Bell mild sauce = Delicious.

-Asian kids are smart, sit next to them in class.

-A Doritos's bag is just as good as a condom... as long as the girl doesn't know your name or number.

-Nothing can cure a wine hangover.

-Sinks = Urinals.

-Don't get blackout during parents weekend.

-A Diamond is forever. And so is herpes, so stay away from that wing of the sorority house... just kidding

-Don't introduce family members to friends who always talk about wanting to "meet your mom and sister."

-80% of professors have facial hair... including female professors.

-People dressed up as police officers on Halloween are most likely real cops. (Do not pat them on the back)

-You will not enjoy your power hour... but your friends will

-Your white board on your dorm door will not be there after the first weekend.

-Taking a shit and sending a picture of it on your phone to a friend is just as good as a gift basket.

-The "Walk of Shame" is best when a crowd is around.

-Bets that you make while your drunk always resurface later.

-Pretending to talk on your cell phone when someone you hate walks in your direction is basically a force field.

-Things like 2 Girls 1 Cup actually exist and entertain drunk people.

-With anal sex: Forgiveness is easier than permission.

There we go, I'm sure most (all) of us have learned these important facts in college... Its worth that $10,000 a year, isn't it?

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