Every once in a while if I'm at a party and had a couple drinks and there's no good looking females and see a girl who otherwise would be average looking, but in this situation she ranks better because she's in a room full of sub-pars. This is how Coyote Ugly's happen. You think to yourself "Hmm, well compared to all these gila monsters, she's hot..." But luckily a couple real hot girls come in and you snap out of it. Watch out of these "counterfeit-hotties."
I hate those cameras that flash twice. Everyone gets all together and is smiling and the first flash goes off and they think its done, but your picture ends up looking like a retard convention.
Only British people can use "good day" as an insult. If I said it, you would be like "Um, thanks man."
At my school, every once in a while they will have a tour group of kids that are planning on attending NAU in the fall. They walk around campus with some pompous junior who thinks he know everything. Most of the time these kids are with their parents and I like walking by them with some of my friends and act like I'm in a middle of a conversation. I say something to the tune of "Dude! I can't believe you fucked that goat, you're crazy!" Or, "Oh man I smoked so much crack last night, I love college. If my parents knew what I did they'd kill me!" I just love seeing the shocked faces of these parents.
I hate that one ARMY commercial where the guy comes back home to all his buddies and they ask him how the army is and he says he's working with computers and they're like "Well, couldn't you have done that here?" Then he sternly says "No." What a fucking douche bag. These are your friends, I guess after you get back from the army you turn into an asshole. And by the way, you could work with computers here you dumbass. The army doesn't own all the computers on earth. Now take your gay hat and leave.
If a girl describes herself as a "free spirit" it just means that she smokes pot, writes poetry and wears horn rimmed glasses. It doesn't mean she is special or unique at all.
I think its funny that my T9 for my cell phone "Ounces" comes before "Number." Verizon must be owned by a bunch of drug dealers.
Since everyone loves Chuck Norris jokes:
Tom once told Chuck Norris that he couldn't log in to his Myspace because of technical difficulties. Chuck Norris said "No one tells Chuck Norris what to do!" then roundhouse kicked Tom and took all his friends. Chuck Norris now owns Myspace.
How to tell the difference between a Freshman and an upperclassmen at NAU: Ask "When was the last time you drank?" An upperclassmen will answer "Hmm... last weekend." A Freshman will answer "Dude, I'm drunk right now!" Then he will attempt to high five you.
The best feeling in the world: Getting a girl you thought you had no chance in hell to get. Its like when you think you bomb a test, then find out you got an A. Either way you're telling all your friends.