A balloon is the only thing you can't "put down." You can "put it up" though.
Girls: If you ever do something with a guy and say "don't tell anyone, this is between you and me," he will be texting and myspaceing his friends faster than you can say "I'm a kill that asshole."
If I see another asshole with one of those bluetooth ear pieces of shit I'm gonna slap a hoe. Who the fuck do you think you are? The secret service? No one cares that you have friends and they call you. Its probably your mom on the line anyways you fag.
I want to learn a foreign language, go to a place where there's a lot of people that speak that language, act like a retard, have them talk shit about me in their language, and then confront them, telling them that I know what they said. Too much work? Probably.
Whenever I'm driving and there's a fly in my car I forget I am driving and my only prerogative is the destroy this fly. Forget watching the road, my speed, or children in crosswalks. There is a fly in my space and he must die.
I was at the mall the other day and they had one of those kiosks that had these brick looking things that polish your nails. I walk by and the girl that worked there was like "Hey, come over here, I wanna show you something." She was cute and didn't look like a rapist so I went over and she took my hand and polished one of my finger nails. I was totally caught off guard. What the fuck! I'm a guy, I don't give a shit about my nails. And my one nail was so damn shinny. I spent all day trying to dirty it up and make it look un-girly. Watch out for these kiosk finger-nail rapists.
My mom always talks about how she doesn't like the fact that I drink under-age. But, the last three gifts she's gotten me were: Guinness board shorts, a beer pong shirt, and a shot glass from Spain.
How come every McDonald's commercial I see with black people in it they're always ordering the chicken sandwich. Fucking McRacists.
It's funny seeing the new freshman class this year, all young and naive. But by Thanksgiving most will drop out, gain 20 lbs, or be pregnant. Oh, college.
Anyone that calls a girl a "goofball" is automatically a douche ball.