Saturday, March 13, 2010

No. 107 "Spring Break To-Do List (For Chicks)."

Now a couple years back I came up with a Spring Break To-Do List that was targeted for guys. You can read it here. But, this year I thought it would be proper to come up with an agenda for the fairer sex. Here is a list of what every college-age girl wants to happen on spring break, and what will mostly likely happen.

Get all your closest girl friends and party in Cancun!

-Have all your friends bail out on you at the last second and end up having to go to Tijuana with shady dudes that may or may not fondle you while you're sleeping.

Buy some cute outfits for the trip
-Have the last good swimsuit get taken by some skank that cut in front of you at Wet Seal.

Get in shape and have a rockin' body
-End up eating too much clearance Valentine's Day chocolate after your boyfriend dumped you, and have to wear a one piece.

Use the restroom before leaving for the trip
Make a stop to piss every 45 minutes, and anger everyone in the car.

Find a cute boy and make him your spring break boyfriend
-End up nailing three dudes the first night and get the nickname "Deep Throat Danielle."

Save money by having guys buy you drinks
-"Fuck this. No one is buying me drinks, let's leave."

Run into some friends from high school
-Run into enemies from high school that condescendingly comment on your one piece swimsuit.

Be classy and do not flash anyone
-Flash some guys your dad's age to get on their boat.

Keep your purse, cell phone, and keys in a safe place at all times
-Get everything stolen while you go to the bathroom, then proceed to sob uncontrollably for the next hour and a half.

Take a bunch of pictures and make six Facebook albums
-Drop your camera in the water the first day and only be tagged in one picture, in which you are flashing a Mexican bar back.

Have fun and drink, but don't get too sloppy
-Chug four gallons of margaritas and vomit in a dirty bathroom while a lady with no teeth holds your hair back.

Make a bunch of new friends
-Lose a bunch of friends after you have sex with their boyfriends.

Buy some unique jewelery
-Receive a large rash within ten minutes of putting it on your neck

Swim with dolphins
-Get stung by a jellyfish and have a hairy obese man urinate on you to relieve the pain.

Come back to the states relaxed and tan
-Book an appointment with the free clinic as soon as you are in cell phone range.

Nah... I kid you ladies. I'm sure your spring break with be full of fruity shots, yelling "Wooo!" and making out with the cast of Twilight. Unlike us men, you ladies are all too smart and classy to let these types of things happen to you. Now go out there are have a fun and safe spring break! (Although you can still be classy with your top off.)

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...